COMIC RELIEF: The REAL Talent Show the funny one
by Silver Ice
Summary: Hogwarts finally hosts a talent show. Warning: Britney Spears is seriously burned in this comic relief by Hagrid. Also, poetic Professor Sprout appears along with many others!


A/N: Hello, I just fixed this up because I know it's in serious need of fixing and I'm just blown away by the amount of reviews! Thank you! This is just a little talent show fic including a burn on Britney's song "Oops I did it Again". 

  


Disclaimer: I own nothing, zip, zilch, zero, nada!  
  
Comic Relief: The Talent Show

By: Silver Ice  
  
The Great Hall was full of excited chatter during dinner, everyone was eager to hear the important news Dumbledore was to announce. Silence soon fell as the headmaster stood from his spot at the front table.   
  
"Help this fine evening to everyone! As you all know, I have some news I have to announce, and I am most certain that you will enjoy it. The professors and I have worked together, and we've decided to have a talent show," there was a wave of excited muttering," and _everyone_ can enter, including the professors themselves! Now, the show will be held in 2 weeks, a stage and seats will be set up in here, and we will start at 8:00."   
  
There was a burst of applause as Dumbledore finished speaking. "A talent show, that's something new, wonder what I could do." Ron said as Harry, Hermione, and he stood up to leave.   
  
"Do you think you'll be performing Harry?" Hermione asked.  
  
"Maybe, what about you?" Harry chimed.  
  
"Well, it would be an interesting opportunity, and it could be a lot of fun, I think I will enter." Hermione said as they walked through the crowd. Suddenly there was a voice from behind the three.  
  
"Hullo, you plan on being in the show?"  
  
They all turned around to see Hagrid standing there.  
  
"Hey Hagrid, we might perform, we're not sure yet, and what about you? Plan on doing anything?" Harry asked.  
  
"Well, there's this one muggle song, and I've decided to sing it."Hagrid said blushing a light pink.  
  
"What song, and who sings it?" Hermione asked.  
  
"Well it's by a girl, Britney Spears, and the song's called, "Oops!…I Did It Again". Well then, I'll see ya'll in class," Hagrid said hurriedly before he headed to his hut.

Hermione chuckled to herself as the three made their way to their dorms for the night.

******  
  
The next few days went by, and it seemed _everyone_ did have something to do, even most of the professors. Hermione, Ron, and Harry had decided to do a display of different spells together including fireworks, bubbles, and other things.  
  
Though the school was filled with excitement, all the classes were the same. Potions was boring, Divination was a joke, and Hermione was the first one to transfigure her worm into a quill that didn't move. The gryffindor common room stayed full until 1:00 A.M. each night. At that time people who had been working on their talents finally went to sleep.  
  
Two weeks passed in what seemed to be the blink of an eye and it was the Wednesday of the Talent Show at last. At 8:00 students, professors, and ghosts filed into the great hall, which now housed a large stage and chairs, instead of the house tables.  
  
Dumbledore silenced the crowd as he stepped onto the stage dressed as a muggle ringmaster. "I hope that everyone is prepared, because I know you'll be seeing some great performances tonight. We will now began with Professor McGonagall."  
  
There was a round of applause. "I will be transforming into 5 different creatures." Professor McGonagall announced. There was a *pop* and in her place there was suddenly a black cat with strange markings around its eyes. Then, within another minute, there was a large eagle with gray feathers in the place of the cat. A large white tiger with sky blue eyes followed, which brought about quite a few gasps. Next there was a large snake, similar to the boa constructor that Harry had seen at the zoo when he had been 11. Lastly, there was a huge pink rhinoceros, which was quite amusing and caused echoing laughter to ring throughout the room. Once again there was a final *pop* and McGonagall once again stood on the stage looking slightly flustered. Applause filled the great hall as she walked off and took a seat.   
  
Dumbledore quickly stepped up to fill her place, "Smashing performance! Next we have Professor Flitwick."   
  
Tiny Flitwick climbed onto the stage. "I will be dancing tonight." Flitwick said in a confident voice. Flitwick, who usually wore robes of black, was now dressed in sequence blue ones. Music began to play, and Flitwick danced. His performance was surprisingly good and as the final tunes of the song died off the audience cheered wildly. Flitwick bowed and stumbled off the stage to take a seat next to McGonagall.  
  
"Bravo that was excellent! Now we have Parvati Patil, and Lavender Brown of Gryffindor! There was scattered applause as the two best friends got up to the stage.  
  
"We will be singing the song "How Do I Feel", by a muggle singer named Hoku. Music started and the two began to sing:  


_I was free when we met  
You were eating a burrito   
With a girl some burnett  
At Eltaroscos   
Then you smiled like you knew that some day we'd be together  
And together we were for a while  
  
How do I feel  
Ever since I walked away from you  
I missed you for real everyday of my life  
How do I feel   
Now that it's over   
For the thing that I miss the most is missing you_  
  
The song soon clicked off, people unplugged their ears, and there was a round of applause. "Great job girls! Now on to Professor Sprout." Dumbledore announced, glad the singing was over.  
  
  
Professor Sprout, dressed in gothic black with a small black hat on, walked up on the stage. "I will be presenting a poem that I wrote." She cleared her throat and began:_  
  
Plants  
  
They grow in many colors and in many sizes  
Some are very tall, they reach the Quidditch risers  
Some are really small like the andolidis  
Some are in-between, those are middle sizes  
Some are pink and blue or even poka-dotted  
It really doesn't matter  
They're all plants with no disguises_  
(a/n: That was awful. Lol, I hope you found it a little amusing)  
  
There was another burst of applause. "Thank you!" Professor Sprout said before joining the other performers that had finished.  
  
"Ah yes, that was excellent! Now, Susan Jackson!" Dumbledore hollered. 

Susan ran onto stage to sing, and while she did the trio prepared themselves.  
  
"All right, do you get all the spells we're doing?" Hermione asked Ron and Harry.   
  
"I've got it down pat," Harry said.   
  
"Y-Yeah, I was born ready." Ron said nervously as Susan's song finished. 

  


Everyone applauded as Susan climbed off the stage.  
  
"Okay, we're up next!" Hermione said standing up.  
  
"Excellent performance! Now, Hermione Granger, Ronald Weasley, and Harry Potter. Applause filled the room as Dumbledore walked off the stage. He passed the trio and gave them a comforting smile.  
  
"Ready?" Hermione asked.  
  
"As ready as we'll ever be." Ron answered. The three made their way up to the stage.   
  
"Tonight we will be performing a few spells for your enjoyment. Now, without further ado,   
Bubbelobus!" Hermione started. At first it appeared nothing had happened, but a moment later the room was filled with many bubbles.  
  
"Extrodanaro!" Harry boomed, and the whole room seemed to be decked in tiny flashing lights.   
  
Then Ron went, "Strobariness!" The lights dimmed and the great hall was filled with the flickering of a strobe light.  
  
Then Hermione went again, "Musinora!" The newest Weird Sisters song filled the great hall and everyone stood up and began dancing.  
  
Harry quickly followed screaming, "Confettiosen!" Confetti began to shower down onto the audience.   
  
It was now Ron's turn again. "Lighto Extremo!" Fireworks had been expected to appear, but instead it grew very dark.  
  
"Ron! Look what you did! You just ruined the whole performance, don't you get that it's Lighteo Exterme!" The music suddenly stopped and everything was silent. "Now look what you made me do!" Hermione screeched.  
  
"Me! Hey, you're the one who said the spell!" Ron shot back.  
  
"But YOU messed up in the first place RON!  
  
"So! That doesn't matter, it's still not my fault HER-MI-ONE!"  
  
"It is to!" Hermione screamed.  
  
"Is not!" Ron screamed back.  
  
"Is to!"  
  
"Is not!"  
  
"Is to!"  
  
"Umm… Allano reapearo!" Harry said. Everything appeared how it was before, including the display of fireworks. Both Hermione and Ron blushed. There was a round of applause as they stepped off the stage.   
  
They sat down, not removing any of the spells. The weird sister song ended though, and another melody began to slowly play.  
  
"Marvelous! Now we have Hagrid." The music began to get louder as Hagrid came onto the stage.  
  
When Ron, Hermione, and Harry saw him they were shocked and leaned back in their chairs filled with terror. Hagrid had put his hair and beard into two fuzzy red elastic's as Britney had in one of her videos; he had also put on a mini-skirt that came above his knees, a white tee shirt, and a gray pull over sweater. He had also added a pair of black high-healed shoes. 

Most of the audience had mimicked the trios moment and had leaned back in their chairs. Draco had ran out of the room crying, and Dumbledore just sat there smiling, highly amused. Hagrid suddenly then began to sing while trying to do Britney's dance moves.  


_I think I did it again   
I made you believe   
We're more then just friends  
Oh baby  
It might seem like a crush  
But it doesn't mean that   
I'm serious  
'Cause to lose all   
my senses  
That is just so typically me  
Oh baby, baby  
  
Oops!__…I did it again  
I played with your heart   
Got lost in the game  
Oh baby, baby  
Oops!…you think  
I'm in love  
That I'm sent from above  
I'm not that innocent_  
  
While Hagrid was stomping his feet wildly there was a racket from the entrance to the Great Hall.  
"Get away from me!" Snape screamed as he entered the hall.  
  
"But Severus! What shall we do?"  
  
"Karkaroff, I_ said_ leave me alone!" Yet again Karkaroff was pestering Snape.  
  
"But this is of great importance! We must talk, it is getting clearer!" Karkaroff declared.   
  
Hagrid had now begun jumping from one foot to another, and all the seats were slowly rising and falling. Snape and Karkaroff had reached the stage, and they stupidly ran on to it. Hagrid, who had his eyes closed in concentration, suddenly jumped in the air and landed…right on top of Snape and Karkaroff. He didn't seem to notice though and continued to sing._  
  
Oops!__…I did it again  
I played with your heart  
Got lost in this game  
Oh baby, baby  
Oops!…You think   
I'm in love  
That I'm sent from above  
I'm not that innocent!  
_  
The crowd applauded louder than they had for all the other shows combined. No one seemed to pay any mind to the smashed Snape and Karkaroff.

The evening went on with many wonderful performances and lots of merriment. When it was 2:00 A.M. the show came to an end, and Hagrid was awarded the first place trophy.  
  
_And that...my friends...is what REALLY happened!_

  


A/N: Well? What did you think? hope you enjoyed it! r/r back. Is the improvement much better? I'd like to think so! I really would like to say thank you for being so nice—I mean there really were just too many errors! Thanks for being great everyone!  
  
  


1. 

  
  



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